How to be Happy?

How can we every truly be happy? I think this is such a complicated subject that I probably cant explain but I'm going to take a stab at it. We all usually go through life seeking to do things that will provide us the most happiness. Some prefer their happiness now, and some like to lay the ground work for having happiness in the future. If we take the first case for face value this leads us to think that the person that seeks happiness now seems to be on to something. In reality though it does not work like that,now. now. now simply puts us in a state of running around in circles to gratify our urge's to be happy and in some cases this prevents us from ever moving forward in our lives. Even if that is not the case it seems like a life time of hard work and energy spent to try to quell a constant need for happiness. But is the person that prepares for future happiness really that much better? It seems that the person that likes to prepare for future happiness works time and time again adding more tasks to his'her list until that list is so overwhelming it makes the future seem so far away. This can lead to questions like, "when am i ever going to catch a break", "I have done all this work and have nothing to show for it" and more questions of the lot. From my perspective both people have a skewed perspective on, "happiness". it seems that the better way to be is to seek happiness in a state of, "equilibrium" some where in-between, "now" and "tomorrow". a simple answer it seems but really thats what I think the best method for achieving happiness is. But more then happiness in my life I want to seek JOY, that kind of eternal feeling of happiness on a level far beyond, "just feeling happy".....

LOVE.

Love....this seems to be the time of year to discuss the prevalent theme of the holidays. People are making up, breaking up, hooking up, shacking up etc. It seems when ever it starts getting cold everyone wants some one next to them to keep them warm. And honestly loving, being in love and just love in general are and is a pretty amazing emotion. Some one recently said to me, “Sandy look at all your past relationships that haven’t worked out, you must have not been very successful with the whole dating thing,” This kind of stunned me, and really made me think long, hard, and very deeply about the past relationships I have been in. And what did I come up with spending time thinking back to all the wonderful people good or not that I was lucky enough to be in relationships with? Honestly it made me smile, the fact that I was able to experience Love so many times in the short life that I have lived not puppy love but real, unfiltered, unadulterated, 100 percent true love. Some people ask me, “but yeah you’ve been in love but haven’t you been hurt a lot as well”? The answer to that question is yes, but honestly the more I experience being in love all the hurt seems to just fade away knowing some day ill have another chance to experience it again and that’s really what I think its all about every steep is one that much closer to being with the one I will be with for the rest of my life. I’ve watched ex’s of mine get engaged, married and honestly find true happiness and even though it seems cliché I’m truly glad that to be apart of the steps they had to take to be with the one who completes them. So what am I trying to say by writing all of this....Love is amazing, and honestly I just love to love in general in what ever aspect that maybe. I really think Love in general just produces a calming effect in all of us that cannot be rivaled by anything. Love a word mentioned between 208-508 times alone in the bible depending on your version.....Hey Jesus....I think you were on to something...

Sometimes Things Get Worse Before They Get Better

My Situation continues to get worse, but my sprit seems to be getting better. The situation as it stands now is I have no money in the bank, 189 cell phone bill 144 storage and around 215 to get my car running again, and no food in my apartment and no money to even eat. So far I managed to get a job and started yesterday but I really won’t start making money till next week. Again you think I would be severely depressed and down, but for some reason I’m just fine its funny how stupid all your other priorities look when you just trying to eat everyday. Even though this is a bad situation God is really teaching me a valuable lesson that taking my cross up and following him should be my number 1 priority and that if I leave absolutely everything to him I will truly be taken care of. I look back to the person I used to be before 8 months ago and there would have been no way I would have been able to handle this, God really does give us everything when we have nothing and the power to get through anything that comes our way, even though things continue to get worse I know something better is just around the corner I just need to stay patient and wait on the Lord to bring it to me and not the world, and currently I have no regrets about anything I’m doing all I can and the best I can now its just up to God....

The story here lately...

Things have been so crazy here lately; it seems that everything I do recently has ended up backfiring on me. Every attempt to get things straight has resulted in the road becoming full of curves, two steps forward and 3 steps back. My situation as of now is I have 10.00 in my bank account, just got laid off, and have about 400 bucks in bills to pay, 300.00 to fix my car that’s been sitting in my apt. parking lot now for 2 weeks, and no hope in sight to get things taken care of until next semester starts. Due to all of this I made a decision to accelerate my plans and join the Army as of last Wed. I swore in and am no longer a civilian, I go to basic may 12th come back go my last semester and graduate then off to AIT training in Texas. So now comes the hard part....waiting and trying to get things squared away until I can get some serious income in Jan. Honestly you would think with all of this happening I would be super stressed out and at the end of my rope. But for some reason I just feel like everything is going to end up being ok one way or another, God is seriously taking care of me emotionally and is really giving me something to lean on through this tough time. I really owe everything I’ve ever had/have to him, it seems these days I’m learning that the less I have the happier I am.....

Rape, a four letter word that can destroy a life, from the view point of a victim...

Before I share the main body of this Blog I really want to impress something upon each and every one of you reading this and share a disclaimer. First if you or someone you know has been raped this is a very serious issue and a very serious crime. If you even think this has occurred to you after reading this please contact the police and make a report so many rapes in this country go un reported every year, don’t be scared....do your best to at least let some one close to you know what’s going on. Also to any young people reading this there is a little bit of graphicness contained in this story so read at your own risk. Also I really want to thank the person who shared this story with me and allowed me to share it with all of you I really hope as I am sure she does that this can reach at least one person. And I think we should all admire her courage to be able to write this lit alone share it with the rest of the world. So here it is a view of Rape from a victim.....


Rape
This one simple word that has been tugging at my heart; the four letters that upon tumbling from the lips of another individual, increase my heart rate and sting my eyelids with tears begging to fall to my cheekbones. Just typing this word causes my fingers to be numb with coldness and my stomach to seep to my toes. This one little word, which used to invoke frustration directed towards a typical, irresponsible, sorority girl, now invokes immense pain and a burden on my shoulders that is impossible to lift. Now, because of one day, one night in which I possessed no control over a situation in my own bedroom where I felt safe, I am forced to assign myself to a population of individuals in which I never desired to belong. Just the thought of being a statistic, a number, breaks my heart and causes me to feel far less than unique.
It's something I tend to ignore, something that for almost a year I pretended didn't even happen to me. Forcing myself to type the word, to say the word: RAPE, is difficult at best for me to manage, and even harder for me to explain to another human being. My count now is a hand full of people in which I have told about the "event" and it doesn't seem to get any easier each time that I try to explain the course of events which progressed that night. Even now the blinking cursor is taunting me to tell more and type more. The little line is forcing my heart to beat faster to keep in time with its appearance on the screen. I tend to put it out of my mind at most times, however it seems that actually being in a class on campus that deals with this subject is actually forcing me to deal with my denial. Every time the professor talks about this topic, I feel my body begin radiating with heat and I feel that everyone in the room is immediately concentrated on me. I get this image in my head that I am standing naked on the table in an anatomical position for all of those around to observe the specimen with a giant black "X" affixed to my vagina that screams out to all of those glaring, "This girl is tainted and scarred."
The events of that night seem less relevant at this point compared to the things that I have learned about myself through this entire process. The fact that I denied the event even happened is the first major concern I began to address with myself. I seem to continuously give excuses for other people and their behavior and this situation was no exception. I told myself that he didn't really mean to hurt me and I continued to believe that this was true for far too long. I've realized that I try way too hard to make relationships work that I should never enter into to start with. I attempt to see only the good in people and ignore the bad until it is far too late. I've also learned that I could have come out of this situation much worse off than I am. I believe that for some reason I was able to learn a lot from this situation and not have any major issues to deal with as a result of it. I could have been very untrusting of people in general or even specifically of males which would have made it difficult for me to be in any kind of intimate relationship. However, I feel that I am still able to love a man with all of my heart without being guarded and protective of my feelings. I've also learned that those men that I am in relationships with want to know about this. I know it doesn't change me as a person, but it is part of who I am now and I should not have to hide that or be ashamed of it anymore. They truly care about me as a love in their life and want to share with me in every hard thing or good thing in which I have gone through.
This is something that I deal with every day now. I was raped. It happened to me, but it doesn't control me or make me any less valuable as a person. I am still capable of loving and being loved and deserve that as well. I don't need to lower my standards or accept anything less than exactly what I want in life because of a situation in which I had no control. It's not my fault I was raped and there is nothing more that I could have done to prevent the situation. It took me a long time to realize that and actually believe it. I believe that was the first step in my growth and progress.
I am not happy that this happened to me, but I know that I am stronger through it. I have been able to help other people because of this experience and that is something positive that I would never have been able to imagine coming out of this. Two of the people that I was able to share my experience with had also gone through similar experiences and our willingness to share with one another helped each of us to be encouraged and strengthened.

Doughnuts,Hunger, and Wastefullness

Last night I was taking a break from work and went up to the local QT (for people that dont live around here its a chain of convienence stores) just wanting to get some water and maybe a snack, normally everything is cool but this time i see one of the employees just throwing away a huge amount of doughnuts and other food that hadent been eaten that day. So just out of curiosity I asked him, "What do you guys do with all this stuff"? The answer just blew me away,he said they just threw them in the trash...A whole mountain of pallets stacked with food that was perfectly good that was being thrown away. There was probally enough food there to feed the entire homeless population of the city i live in and it just made me angry. Then it occured to me how much food all of us probally waste each day about how even I take for granted being able to even eat in the first place. Other then that things have been pretty good lately and i know have probally a weeks worth of materal to Blog about so look for some good stuff coming in the next few days especially tomorrow when I talk about a very sensitive subject from the point of view of a victum im really excited to see what you all think, so until tomorrow see ya later people...

previous blogs

Nothing of interest to post today just wanted to start this thing up and post some of my previous blogs from myspace, and facebook feel free to comment on any one of them weither it be positive or negative I really hope the previous blogs I've written or the ones I'm about write in the comming months can reach out, and help to encorage and inspire anyone they come into contact with. thanks for stopping by and dont forget to comment